No Strings Attached........!!

A feeling that tells me that I am free from all the intricacies of the world; a feeling that makes me indifferent about everything that is going on around me; a feeling that neither makes me happy nor sad; I am feeling it right now. I don't know what that emotion is, but it leads to a state that I call 'No Strings Attached' (NTA).
A random thought occurs to me once in a while... What if I die right now? Will I have an afterlife?..If yes, then what is the thing that I will miss the most?.. Will there be anything that I'll regret for not doing?... And every time I get different answers. Sometimes my still incomplete career goals bother me.. Sometimes I tend to think about all my dear once and how I still really want to be with them... sometimes my incomplete wishes, dreams make me think that I want more life....
But, during this NTA phase, I am just blank... I don't miss anything.. anyone... I don't wish anything... anyone.. And it wouldn't matter if my life ends at this moment...
And then I wonder..... What is real????
Me worrying about all my dreams.. wishes... unfinished tasks is real .. or me caring about nothing... wishing nothing.. wanting nothing is real?

I don't think I'll get a 'correct' answer for this ever... And at this moment, I don't really care to find it..

Mumbai Monsoon.. :)))

Its been over two years now. I am in Pomona, a small suburb in California.
Right now I am sitting by the window in my bedroom looking at distant dark clouds moving fast over the valley. The image takes me back to my city... Mumbai.. and the rains of Mumbai !!!
There is something about monsoon that attracts me like anything. Wildness, passion, uncertainty... and satisfaction.. Its all there... !! I can't explain how... but yes, its all there... I feel it.. I feel it with each drop of rain that falls on me standing at the edge of a crowded local train's door... I feel it with each wave that I see bursting on the wall of Marine drive... I feel it while walking through knee deep water on the street... And I feel it even after a mud splash by some vehicle on my clean dress while I am going for work in the morning..... haha.. !! huh... Thy name is nostalgia.. !
And now with soaked heart and damp eyes I am back again to the present.. by the window.. looking at the distant clouds.. !! :)

I will always follow you.. No matter where you take me..!!.. :)

Life... It has been good until now... I never actually planned it.. I don't know if I took risks in life or played it safe.. I am just living each moment as it comes. There were never big surprises in my way. Nothing was unpredictable. It has been like a consistent perennial river that neither floods, nor dries... Huh!!!... That kind of sounds boring..
Was it so???? I don't think so...
All those small but unforgettable instances that are grooved on my brain make it special..
I still remember the honk of my dad's scooter.. Every evening it would bring a smile on my face as if I am going to meet him after months.. haha.. that sounds a little weird may be... The intimidating feeling that I use to have standing at the entrance of my kinder garden school while saying bye to my grandpa was my first introduction with fear I guess.
I always tend to develop a kind of aversion towards the things that are compulsory for me to do.. Same thing happened with studies.. I hated to study.. I never did that.. and never regretted about 'not so good' results too.. Until I got scolded by my parents..
There were days when I wanted to be a singer and I started pursuing classical music.. Then days passed I grew up and now I wanted to be an architect.. So I joined architecture school... Then I developed an inclination towards environment conservation and as a result I ended up with landscape architecture. Still at times my whims make me think about some exciting professions like aviation, wild life photography, geology, archeology...
But for now I have stacked all those whims in a small box at a corner of my brain..
No no... I am not at all suppressing them.. Because a thought that wants me to fly planes, does not tell me that my current pursuit of becoming landscape architect is wrong.
Deep down at my heart I am happy about everything that I did.
I am happy about what I am... And that is because I followed my heart always.. May be at times I did something that turned out in to something not so good.. But that does not mean that I should regret about my act. Because my each and every action was asserted by my heart, as per demand of that very moment.
Finally ultimatum is 'Pursuit of HappYness'.. :).. And happiness is felt at heart.. right?..
So I shall and I will follow it always.. I believe that it will take me where I want to go... !!!

Reality is more Beautiful.. :)

I dreamt of a life... A life that is absolute, flawless and ideal.... A life that includes me and you.
Life that started on the gateway of a rainbow...
Remember?.. The rainbow that we saw together.. at the edge of the city, where land ends and an unknown world of the sea opens up...
So auspicious it was... welcoming us, inviting us to begin the beautiful journey... I stepped in right then and there.. That was the fountainhead of my dream...
At that very moment, I knew the feeling of a leaf that gets covered with the shadow of a dark cloud after bearing heat of blazing summer. I was waiting for the cloud to shower... I wanted to get drenched as never before.. Wanted to wash out all the blisters those I pampered until then...

I was happy... blissful... content... with closed eyes...
I lived in this chimerical world for days and months and years.......
And then the glow of shiny sun made me open my eyes.... There I was, at the same place at the edge of the city... There wasn't any rainbow, neither cloud... nor you....

The dream was gone away with the wind.. just like that...
... It was too late to realize that you never joined me and I was alone... as always...

Now I know that you have chosen your path and gone too far to come back...
I am also on my way to an unknown journey... walking ahead... Won't stop now..

Few months ago, I would not have believed that this journey to the reality is turning out to be much more beautiful.. So what that it does not have rainbows and clouds as my dream had... This is real.. clear.. bright and INDEPENDENT... :).. My each thought, each direction has its own path.. the way I always wanted..

Monsoon.......... :)

It is fresh, vigorous and intense.....
It is calm, tranquil and serene....

I love it.....
It is nature's reaction.... so natural... so pure... such a candid one...

The falling rain doesn't know if it's feeding somebody or washing something..

The falling rain doesn't know if it's springing up the blossom or bringing catastrophe.

It just knows that it has to fall... free fall....